2009 is coming to an end. To me it is a bittersweet year.

Bitter: Many unpleasant and unexpected things happened.
First, my 'O' level results. I barely missed the mark by one point before I can enter JC.
Second, my condition. I am still at battle with it. And the battle was quite fierce for the past few days. Why? And I ought not question God about him permitting this condition on me. I still cannot understand why. It is a mystery, still.
Third, my "employment". I have been temporarily "fired" by the "boss". Thank God I can go back to the same "company" and the same "department" again, as he has no right to really "fire" me.
Fourth, him. I have decided to leave his "group", and it was quite a heartbreaking sight to see him cry. He only commited some minute mistakes, but I did not think twice before leaving his "group". It was exceedingly deplorable, but what can I do now? Blame myself? It is too late to cry over spilt milk.
All these events, when summed up, are all caused by one culprit: my condition.

Sweet: God has been good to me.
First, I knew it was not in God's plan for me to enter JC, so my path is now more transparent.
Second, though I could not understand what is God doing with me, I am assured that He is by my side, because I see people coming in at the different seasons of my life. People like John, George, and How Thim. Thank you, servants of the Lord! Thank you for drawing out time at your own expense to see me through the mountains and the valleys.
Third, because I became "unemployed", God has allowed me into FCBS, to learn his words and to understand more about Him. It helped me a lot in combating against some false concepts that I believe will not leave me if I had not attended FCBS. I would like to thank all the teachers in FCBS because they have enlightened me and empowered me with lifeskills and imparted to me some Christian values. Thank you so much.
Fourth, I find myself closer to my family members. Thanks to Mum and Dad for being there for me in one of the tough seasons of my life. Thank you for not giving up on me even when it seems almost insuperable to get me healed a few months ago(but now it is possible!!!). Thanks for contributing time and money everytime I meet the doctor. Thank you sister for going out with me occasionally and encouraging me.
Fifth, I find myself having new friends in every season. I have got my Pharmaceutical Science friends and SOL1 friends and FCBS friends. Perhaps God is concerned about my feelings of loneliness, so He sent new friends so that I can befriend them.
These events, when summed up, are the result of one thing: God's Magnamity and Grace.

God turns all bad thing for the good of those who love Him. So to those who are facing trials, be reminded of this.

I hope I had not miss anyone out.

Wishing all who reads this post a Happy New Year. One more hour to 2010. Will be leaving for Kuala Lumpur tomorrow. So thrilled!


It was 4A'08 class BBQ yesterday.

Met up with Han Ting and Zhe Qing at Jurong East interchange to go to our final destination; that is East Coast Park. Had nice chat with the both of them. We talked about our school life to army to many things that I could now not quite remember.

Then when we finally arrived at the pit, there were greetings. Then many commented that I have put on weight on my face, and that I look round. Round? What's round?

After which went cycling with Han Ting and co. . I was greatly lagging behind as they were far ahead of me. So embarrased. Should not have exercised so vigorously the day before. So "chui"(spoil-spot). I think I could not quite remember what is "chui". Anyway...

It was triggered again after cycling. I should have listened to my Dad's advice; to take a cab back home immediately. I almost made a spectacle of myself in front of my friends. Thank God it was under control. I really thank God.

I am really distraught by the array of choices that I have and that I must make a final decision. They told me that I can try to ask for an appeal. I am so perplexed right now. I really do not know what to do. I will just see how the Lord leads me.


It is Chistmas Day today, so, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Yesterday was Christmas eve. Alright, let us talk about the Chirstmas Stomp.

It was presented in a game kind of format. Specifically, it was in the setting of Wii. So the whole plot talks about a boy with his elder sister playing the Christmas Stomp game. Then they introduced to us the fame points and faith points. These points can help purchase perfume from the perfumery. In the end, the two siblings got themselves all the fame points and ended up buying a perfume called the white diamond perfume. But when they went to the Bethlehem Inn to find Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus(who was the King), they realized that they have bought the wrong type of perfume that the King had wanted. What the King wants is either myrrh or frankincense, both of which requires faith points. Then all of a sudden, GAME OVER. I was quite astounded by the abrupt ending of the animation. It could have been a bit better if they could show the siblings restarting the game and get faith points instead and get the right gift for the King, and then show the credits of the people who contributed to the Christmas Stomp. All these are what I personally feel that could be rooms for improvement.

Then it was Pastor Lawrence Khong time to deliver his speech. After the speech and prayer, a lot of people went forward to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. Feel quite thrilled for them, as they will be starting a new life journey; now with the Lord with them.

After which I went out with my SOL friends to eat supper together at one of the markets in Bedok. Had diarrhoea after that. What a way to countdown to Christmas. -.-


I am rather pleased with the fact that it is the respite right now. And I see myself gaining back the confidence that I have, where not long ago it was the antithesis of me being frigid and even demure. I hope my confidence can be restored back to the initial state. I hope the respite will eventually lead to my complete recovery.


I am so elated that I have got a new cell phone as my Christmas present! It is the Nokia 6760!!! Can finally enjoy more functionalities from internet to MSN. The button is also like the computer keyboard, which is accompanied with its exquisite design. In conclusion, I like the phone very much. Thanks to Daddy for the new cell phone.


For the past two days, I am on board a cruise; Star Cruise Virgo. There is really nothing much to help me occupy my time here except browsing through books in the library cabinet and playing the games in the game arcade. I would say the activities that I do on cruise is rather limited and hence, mundane. I could finally not resist the allure of the computer, so I gave in. I have intended to type this new post at home, as the price of surfing the net here is charged by minute. But at least the price is rather reasonable if you don't surf for too long a time.

I was rather disappointed that I could not go out of the cruise to go to Kuala Lumpur yesterday. My parents are still very concern on my well-being even if I go with them. They are worried that my condition will deteriorate again. So initially i thought that it was quite selfish of them to not let me go along with my relatives, but after thinking it through again, it was out of love for me. They do not want me to have a sudden trigger, which could blemish my reputation, since after all my relatives are unaware of what is going on for me. But it is always not safe to keep the skeleton in the cupboard, as finally the cat will be let out of the bag. It is just a matter of time.

Some people just do not understand what I am going through. They commented that it is because I am not mentally tough enough, which is a myth. If I am not mentally tough, I would end up in a rehab centre already. Somethings are really out of my control, but at least I find that it does not affect me emotionally, but it disturbs me. I felt rather perturbed in the beginning when I got it, but gradually the apprehension vanished. I wish that one day it will all be gone, because I really want to be the old Mark.


Alas, it is the official last day of FCBS for me. I feel ecstatic for the fact that I will not be going to FCBS anymore, and I can have more time to myself, whereas the melancholic part is that I am going to miss the wonderful times I have with the folks I befriended and also I will greatly miss the Bible School. From here on out I have to depend on myself to grow spiritually strong. I must feed myself diligently with the word of God from now on. I do not want flabs in my spiritual body, so I MUST workout!!!

For the exam on Saturday, I really have to invest lots of time studying. I personally feel that studying Systematic Theology II is quite exhausting for a person at my age. Maybe that does not apply to others of my age, but to me it is really seems like a huge mountain to conquer. I wished that I have faith to move mountains. In this way I have a de-tour, which will save a lot of my energy.

Oh Lord, my God, why? How long will you deliver me from this scourge within? I waited in patience for 1year. I have neither motives of leaving you nor complaining to you. I know that you know my limits. But Lord, how long more? All I see is a red, yet colourful, world. Yet I will have hope in Him. Because in Romans 5:3~4, it states: " Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."


Went to church today. When I took the bulletine for today, I cannot help but fall in love with the animation guy on the first page. He is so endearing. Up to this point you might think that I am a gay. Let me show you what I mean.




So do inform me if you want to come along for the Christmas Stomp on 24Dec at 7.30pm at EXPO hall 10, with its programme outline: animation cum dance performance. The animation will be starring the guy in the picture above. After which we will be going to eat supper with my other friends, and also be prepared to countdown to Christmas!!!



Have an appointment with the doctor yesterday. And I am so elated that I will not be seeing him again till next year's February, which is close to 2months! This is the first time where the appointment was prolonged, with each appointments set regularly each month. And the consultation fee was not as exorbitant as the previous time. I really am guilty; Guilty of spurging my parent's money on medication and consultation fees, though I really do not know how to stop it. Shall I lie to them that I am alright from now on? Then I do not have to see their money being flushed down the toilet just like that.

After the appointment, we went to watch movie whereas Mum went to work at Ion Orchard. She works in the food court with the shop name "Padang Padang", so if you are free you can go visit her at basement four.

My Dad and me went to watch "Storm Warriors". I would not say anymore about the plot lest I become a spoil spot, but I would like to comment on the movie. I loved the sound effect and the graphics during the fight of wind and cloud. However, the plot ending was sort of unclear to me. I have qualms regarding the destiny of cloud. There is also a few elements of humour within the show, but really, only a few. I did enjoy the show, but oh no... I almost thought that it was humanly possible to possess those supernatural powers like in the movie. But even if I have the supernatural powers, I will submit it to God to deal with it.


I am glad that _______ initiated to chat with me yesterday. After reading my blog, she decided to thrash things out with me, simply because she still treats me as a friend, and I am glad about it. That is partly also that she cannot make it for the class BBQ because of her mother's birthday. The conflict was resolved.


Nothing significant seems to be happening recently; there seems to be no ripple in the ocean, though my life is not to that extend mundane. But in a two weeks time FCBS classes will be coming to an end. I wouldn't say I will badly miss FCBS, but I will indeed feel lost once I come out from there.

I wonder if _______ will be coming for the class BBQ. Have not been chatting with her for close to one week already. I promised her I will never talk to her again. I must be a man of my words. If she comes for the class BBQ, things might change. Maybe she will talk to me again. Maybe we can thrash things out together. But if she does not come, I will treat it that she no longer wants to be my friend.


Today had course on mentoring and coaching. Then there was sharing of personal testimony. So Tommy, Steven and me took turns to share our testimony. At first I did not want to disclose to them about my life because I feel that I need to have some sense of privacy. However in the end, I still let the cat out of the bag. But it is like as if I shared my burden with two more people, and I indeed feel lighter; the weight has been evenly distributed.

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